;_;

❝I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it, I don't believe it makes me real. I thought it'd be easy, but no one believes me, I meant all the things I said. If you believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know, just to see if it would show, that I'm trying to let you know, I'm better off on my own❞

So today sucks. I promise I'll post something that isn't so damn depressing after this whiney update, but I need to blow off some steam. It's not like anything happened, in all honesty I'm just lonely. There's only one person I ever really hang out with, but I messed that up so we won't be seeing each other for a while. I'm not sure if that's an appropriate subject to blog about though. I don't even know why it hurts so bad, I never felt like he liked being around me, but now that I pushed him away for the last time I really really miss him... And this damn social anxiety is going to be the death of me, I swear. I'm too paranoid, I know that no one I went to school with likes me and they wouldn't want to be near me, but I think that's just what I tell myself to try and protect myself... I'm too afraid to reach out to anyone because I know once they get to know me, they'll leave too. There's something wrong with me.

❝This place is so empty, my thought's are so tempting, I don't know how it got so bad. Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me, but it's the only thing that I have. If you believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know, just to see if it would show, that I'm trying to let you know, I'm better off on my own❞

I have no idea why this is always the song I go back to when I'm not feeling well. I think that if you're depressed you should listen to uplifting, happy music... Like surrounding yourself with happier things will make you happier too. But as soon as I start feeling down, these are the only words that come into my mind. I think I like it because it's not really an angry song, it's just sad... And it usually matches what I'm feeling.

Lately it's seemed like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, and most of it is because I have no idea how to handle myself. I overreact or face my problems the wrong way, I can't really explain it. I think I'm sad today because I was actually happy for most of the night yesterday, it had to happen sometime. Bleh. Maybe Tuesday will be a good thing. But that'll come later.

Enough whining for now, I'll be back later.